About

My name is Justin Campbell – Thanks for stopping by.

So here is the story.  A few years ago my church hosted a singles forum.  I didn’t attend because I had a date that night (which I think is hilarious on many levels).  But many who went were frustrated.  The truth is as I saw it promoted I had thoughts about what could be said that would be different than the normal stuff.  But unfortunately I didn’t share it.  So after it was over I did share it with some of my friends and with my pastors.  Everyone said the same thing, “Man that would have been good to talk about”.  Over the the next year I began developing a lot of thoughts and the following year I got to lead a time with singles and marrieds about singleness in the Body of Christ.  By all accounts it went really well and I realized a couple of key things

1. No one talks about this stuff.  Not really.  Most Churches don’t know what to do with it.  Heck our church is at least 50% single and they still don’t know what to do with it.  The basic message is “Don’t have sex.”  And in fact they never bring up singleness without bringing up sex, which leads to

2. We talked for an hour and a half and we only spent about 5 minutes on sex.

I realized that I had nothing to hand anyone about what we talked about.  I had these ideas but no where to share it.  So here we are.

Now here’s the thing and I want you to read this clearly – I am not here to say that all my ideas are right.  I’m simply trying to have the conversation.  The truth is I was single until I was 41 and I’ve done it all wrong.  All of it.  I’ve dated wrong, I’ve pursued wrong, I’ve lived wrong.  I’ve been in every cycle of bitterness, righteous indignation, anger, sadness, loneliness, etc. I’ve done every one of those wrong.  I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt.  I’ve held marriage as an idol.  I mean I’ve done EVERYTHING wrong.

So I’m not here to share because I’ve figured it all out.  But I know we need to.  The reality is that 49% of adults in the U.S. are unmarried.  And if the Church is going to take care of it’s own as well as be on mission it had better wake up to this.  They have no idea what they are doing.  I don’t mean that as a slam – I just mean it as truth.  And it’s time to talk about it for real.  What does it look like to walk with Christ as a single person?  How can marrieds and singles serve each other (and not just babysitting for the married people)?  How can we stop accidentally hurting each other and start helping each other?  Why are you single – do you even really know?  These are just a few of the things that we need to start talking about.

So here we go – feel free to disagree.  Ladies remember that I’m a guy so I’ll be coming from that perspective – can’t help that.  Feel free to follow, comment, tweet me (please be gentle), share me, or just stop by when you want, and let’s talk for real.

13 thoughts on “About

  1. Hey Justin! Our church (The Crossing) did a you+ series (you + being single, married, divorced, etc.) …this (link below) was probably the best message and probably the most information I’ve heard about being single in church…it was so interesting, I wish I had heard it way back in, I don’t know, elementary school! I happen to be married, but, It will definitely be a way I raise my kids letting them know that it’s ok to be single…our society puts so much pressure on marriage, which in turn puts stress on dating, and you’re right about the church not knowing what to do about (at least the one I used to attend)…it was never addressed, but I think if it’s talked about, it will even help children and teens know that Jesus comes first and like you said if marriage happens, great, if not, great

    …this message was great; I liked that it even addressed the marrieds and singles together too http://www.wcrossing.org/default.aspx?page=3699&item=160

    • I will have to listen to this. I love your thought about what we tell kids. It’s huge and a part that I hadn’t thought about when I started the blog. You are the second parent to bring that up. It’s a great point and one I need to think on more.

  2. Justin-

    I just stumbled on your blogspot because I was searching for some wisdom (and having exhausted Proverbs…) on a dating situation with a “Godly” man. You are spot on, however with the fact that the church does an incredible job with the married population because, in my opinion, it is comfortable. Right? It IS comfortable. And then…there are those single people…what to do with them…?

    I like your perspective and I feel the same way…that when I get married again (because I too, have done it ALL wrong)…it will be right. Keep on bloggin’.

    dea

  3. ohmygoodness!! Where have you been? So glad to “hear” a voice of reason in this arena! I’m thankful you are sharing your experience and shining light among the most unreached people group both in and out of the church walls!

  4. Hi Justin,
    I really like what you have to say about singleness. I found my way here after reading your article on Single Roots. I always thought I’d be a full-time journalist, married with kids by the age of 25…until God turned my life around and upside down. Now I’m 35, a full-time missionary and you guessed it, single with no kids. I LOVE my life and calling, but sometimes it comes as a shock to realise that those childhood dreams are still yet to be realized. I gave up a budding career to answer the call and have given my prime ‘child-bearing’ years to fulfilling it…I’d like to think my Adam is out there looking for me, just waiting to leave his life and cleave unto me once he finds me..but hope deferred..and all the while my arms ache to hold a baby – not a sister’s baby, or a friend’s or a relatives, but a child of my own.

    Selah.

    How does the Church deal with singles like me? They don’t – I don’t fit the mould or fall into a particular category…but I have hope that one day She will find a way to ‘real talk’ and listen more than try to give all the answers.

  5. Thanks for putting up this blog. Anger, resentment, bitterness, and heartbreak brought me here. After reading some of the blogs, apparently so did arrogance, entitlement, and self-righteousness. (LOL) Another friend of mine announced her recent engagement (the 5th one in a year- you tend to feel a little like “ummm yay God..??…:-/ lol) while I am still dealing with (yet another) broken heart. Seems like things just arent ever gonna work out for me. But Im grateful that you’ve put the mirror up to me and posed those questions. I am not entitled, and I’ll never be good enough for a “blessing” such as a husband. Im truly the stage where Im at a sacrifice. I do not want to live a single life, I have a son and a daughter who also really want a dad in their life, but I must be willing to accept it if that’s what He has for us, and learn to be content. I refuse to put even this desire above God anymore, its why Im probably in the predicament Im in now. Im 32, and I’m trying to put a brave face on but in the end… all I can say is “this sucks”, and keep moving forward. Sure, we have Biblical examples of older folks waiting on their blessing, but we live in a culture of now, so I can only pray that my faith grows as strong like those folks who were “ok” with being so old and having to wait so long. Truth is, Im not there yet. I dont wanna be a 100 year old bride, so sue me (LOL- I have to have a sense of humor otherwise I’d go bonkers over this) So please keep this going, and please keep those like me in prayer cus this is not easy. But Im grateful to have been humbled so that I can be re-aligned in Christ with the right perspective. It helps.

  6. Thank you for a fresh voice on being single. I returned to church last November after a 20+ years of mistakes. As a 46 year old single, it is difficult to sit alone in church but what I receive in return, being there praising God overcomes my discomfort. But it is sad how isolating it is at times. I thank The Lord everyday for pulling me back, but I wish for greater fellowship and inclusion.

  7. I’m so glad that your articles also mention the call to celibacy. For me, I think the worst parts about being single in church are that everyone assumes your singleness is something you want to change, and also that abstinence is almost never mentioned outside of the context of “waiting for the one”. Once you get past the ripe old age of say, 23, you’re on your own as far as that goes. It’s so bizarre to me that in a belief system where the Founder of our faith never married, as well as the apostle Paul (who wrote like half the New Testament), who advocated for singleness unapologetically, that we seem to have so much contempt for the state of singleness.

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