Answers To Some Common Questions

I want to address a couple of things that recently have been asked or implied either in random comment sections or via email from readers.  The reason I want to address these questions is that if a few people are emailing me, chances are others may be wondering as well.  Frankly this might serve as a good orientation to this blog as a whole for some of my newer readers as I start posting a bit more again.

Subject one: I’ve received a couple of emails asking me about my marriage and why I don’t talk more abut being married and offer thoughts on that.

There are actually several reasons for this.  First I want to say that I’m not hiding my marriage or anything like that.  I’m not “acting single” to carry more clout with the singles as it were.  I’m very happy to be married.  However, I was single until I was nearly 41 years old and this blog started towards the end of that time.  As a newly married person I don’t pretend that we have it figured out enough that we ought to be dispensing a bunch of marriage advice but frankly the number one reason is that there are about a zillion blogs, books, seminars, conferences, sermon series and more on marriage.  Basically every denomination, style, theological system, and church has a marriage lesson.  Some of it is better than others, but the conversation is everywhere.  Singleness, not so much.

This leads to subject two: Why don’t you offer more to help women, or why don’t you spend more time telling women how to act (be attractive, who to date, etc).

Let me first say that I think that much of what I talk about here, maybe 70% or so is pretty applicable at least at some level, for women as well as men.  But while I have written a post or two specifically for women, it’s not the focus here.  Again there are a couple of main reasons.

The first should be obvious.  I’m not a woman.  I know what it means to be a man and what I’ve struggled with, felt and experienced as a man, so it’s much easier to share that.

Secondly, once again there are so many more blogs and books out there for women written by women.  A lot of what we learn in the church today is also slanted in that direction.  I’ve tried to speak some to women but even then it’s mostly in regards to the man experience.  I believe that we need more male voices talking with men about this context.  I’ve tried to stay mostly focused there.  I’m very thankful for my female readers and I think they add to the site – and hopefully learn from it as well.  But it’s not the focus.

Subject three: This blog is either Too Christian or Not Christian Enough

I’ve had a few people say something to the effect of, “why don’t you just focus on dating and opposite sex interaction and not so much Jesus.”  The reason is that this site has been and always will be coming from the context of being a follower of Jesus.  Now I think a non-follower could certainly learn things here.  Absolutely.  But I’m coming from what I hope is a historical Christian worldview and that impacts everything I say.

On the flip side, I get people who think I’m not “Christian” enough or that get mad because I challenge what some in the church teach about singleness.  While I come from the historical Christian world view, I also want to operate in the context that we as believers are actually in.  I therefore see nothing wrong with looking at what some secular people have to say or recognizing the culture, including the singles culture, that we currently live in.

Bottom line here is that I figure if both the non believer and the church person are a little uncomfortable, I’m probably in about the right spot.  I’ve lived pretty much my whole life in that zone.

Subject four: Why don’t you address . . . .

I’ve been asked for my opinion on many different things.  Now and then I’ll give it.  Anyone who knows me understands that I’ve got an opinion about everything.  However for just over five years and going on 250 posts I’ve kept this site about the context of singles and the church.  Sometimes I’ve stretched that a little.  But i’ve tried to keep it focused.

Finally, Subject five: You didn’t let my comment through moderation or you didn’t respond to my comment

Here is my comment philosophy.  First, I let most comments through.  I value the conversation and actually don’t mind disagreement at all.  But I don’t allow foul language, personal attacks on me, other posters or random other people.  I also won’t allow what I think is a complete trolling attempt.

You also need to know that if you are a new commenter it may take a while to get moderated.  I’m not constantly checking for comments.  I have a job and a life.  Haha!  But I will get to it and approve it.

I also don’t always respond.  Sometimes I just don’t see how responding will help.  I want to allow for different opinions and thoughts and I don’t want to always go back and forth.  And then there is that whole job and life thing again.

I hope this clears some things up.  I also want to say that I really truly value my readers and their thoughts.  I try to respond to emails in a timely manner and I want people to be able to comment here.  The whole heart behind this blog was that we needed a different conversation about singleness in the church.  I think we are starting to have it.  So thanks for that.