I have a friend who recently met a girl he was really into. She was beautiful (ok hot) and loved Jesus. However she was somewhat uncertain about her job situation and there was a chance she would be moving.
My friend handled this well. He basically told her that he wanted to get to know her and that he wanted to date her. He made his intentions clear without coming off like a crazy person. He just wanted her to know that he was hanging out with her with a purpose in mind and he wanted to be clear on that. Good job by him.
So they went on several dates and then hit a time period where they were both traveling. They texted some etc, but they both knew they were kind of off the grid so to speak for a couple of weeks.
She got a little slower to text back which my friend recognized as a bad sign. When the both got back to town, my friend called her and they decided to grab coffee. As they were talking my friend basically asked her if she was into this dating relationship. She said no. He did an incredibly brave thing and asked her why. She said that she just didn’t see him that way. But then she said, “But I’d really like to hang out as friends.”
Then my friend did what so many other men should do. He said no. That’s it. He said that he wasn’t interested in running around as friends. First of all he has friends. Secondly he liked her as more than that so it would be intellectually dishonest to hang out as friends when that was not his intentions. Finally, he was looking for someone to date and eventually marry and if he is running around with her as a “friend” then that would be confusing to others.
She was pissed. She literally didn’t know what to do with it. She said, “so this is what it feels like to be broken up with.” This was of course hilarious since she was the one saying she didn’t want to date him. He took her home, they shook hands and said goodbye. Best part is she texted him that night as if it had never happened. Wisely he didn’t respond.
I share this story with you because this guy handled this exactly right. I joked with him that he was now a true Jedi and had avoided the dark side that I call “the friend zone”.
As men, we have to avoid the friend zone. It was no doubt tempting for this guy to think, “well if she wants to hang out with me, I can eventually win her over”. Not so. In fact I’m telling you right now that if there is any chance that she would like him it will be because he did what he did here. He stood up to her.
She was mad because she was used to being in control. Now I’m not saying here that we should be out to make girls mad. Far from it. What I am saying is that when we allow the friend zone to happen we give her all the power and completely kill any chance of her ever being attracted to us. You as a guy, have to get this. No matter how attracted you are to her, you can not “chase” her. By walking away, you respect her lack of attraction to you. But you also increase her respect for you as a man. And you gain confidence – which is hot.
Being “friends” with the girl that you want to date is just clobbering yourself. I mean I hate to say it that way but it’s the truth. It doesn’t help anybody.
Now here’s the thing, I’m not saying you can’t be friends with an attractive woman. I have lots of friends and some of them are women. I’m even friends at some level with a person or two that I once asked out. But I didn’t get turned down and then become “hang out friends” with them.
The friend zone is to be avoided at all costs because it’s not real friendship. It is when the girl uses the guy who she isn’t attracted to for the benefits. She comes to you with stories about other guys. She needs help with something and you rush to help her. She has “spiritual questions” and you “minister” to her, but the whole time you want to date her. That brother, is the friend zone and it will crush your manhood.
You are not a victim. Don’t tell me that everyone just sees you as a friend – that’s because you let them. You have to choose different. It’s not up to one girl or another. It’s up to you.
Are you always in the friend zone? Are you ready to get out?