Have you ever as a single person had an event happen to you where you realized just how on your own you really are? What I mean is, have you had that moment when you realized, what happens if _______ happens to me?
It can be simple things. I remember one weekend when I was leading a singles conference we were talking about advantages and disadvantages of being married vs. being unmarried. One lady gave a practical example of a disadvantage. She said, “if for example my car breaks down. Who do I call? If you’re married, your spouse might be able to say to their boss, ‘My spouse’s car is broken down, would it be alright if I took an hour and went and got them?’. But that probably isn’t going to work for any other relationship.”
Let me give you one that sort of got my attention. I was in my early thirties. Single, no relationship. This particular day I started feeling pain in my abdominal area. I thought, no big deal. A little indigestion. But it got worse. I went to the gas station to get some gas and thought I’d grab a Sprite. I could barely get out of the car as I was so doubled over.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post about whether or not a single person who is looking for a spouse should budget money for that search. You can read that post here.
Today I want to talk about handling money in general as a single person. I’d like to share some thoughts that I wish more people would have spoken into my life. The truth is a lot of unmarried people, especially younger folks, don’t get a lot of help with this area of life. I’ve often said that if there was one aspect of my over 20 years of adult singleness that I would live differently that it would be how I handled my money.
So there’s a new song out by Marshmallow and Anne-Marie (No I had not heard of them either) called Friends. It’s all over pop radio right now. The song and video encapsulate what we call the Friend zone. In fact it is often called the Friend Zone Anthem.
Now I’ve written extensively about the friend zone and avoiding it here at the blog for years. (Some posts are linked below). But I haven’t written on it in a while and I know that there are a lot of people, especially younger guys, who find themselves in these situations.
Carrie Underwood accidentally stirred the the twitter pot recently when in an interview with Redbook she said that at 35 she may have missed her chance to have a big family. This was of course one answer to one question in the interview but people jumped on it.
Now Carrie wasn’t trying to say that no one over 35 can have a kid. She also went on to say that they have talked about adoption and they do a lot to help kids which she enjoys. But that wasn’t good enough for many who insist that there are no limits to fertility.
I bring this up because I think we need to be honest about where our culture is at. Especially as we navigate singleness, marriage and children.
The other day while driving I was listening to some Dave Ramsey. In case you’re not familiar, briefly, Dave wants people to live biblically with their money, meaning stay out of debt, control your money instead of letting it control you and be generous along the way.
He has a radio show and people call in with all kinds of scenarios asking his advice. Very rarely do I ever see Dave not have an answer. In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen it . . . until the other day.
A young never married guy called in and said, “Hey Dave, I’m following your plan. No debt, I have a budget etc. I’m not married but I want to be. Here’s my question, how much should I budget for that pursuit?”
One thing about Dave is that he’s always honest with people and he just laughed and said, “I have not been in that world for so long, I have no idea.” After both he and the caller laughed a little, he did toss out a couple of thoughts, but it made me think of a couple of important ideas and some practical ones if you find yourself in that position.
It’s funny the things that you remember from college classes. I remember one of my favorite classes was an introduction to philosophy. I loved this class because the professor was very unbiased and we got to write some really cool papers. (One of my papers was: Is the judaeo-Christian ethic sufficient for handling environmental issues. The answer was of course yes – which I proved rather convincingly I might add).
One of the great moments of the class that has always stayed with me was a video in which a female pastor of some kind said, “The thing that separates humans from everyone else is our ability to sin. Nothing else on earth can sin.” That, friends will preach.
I bring that idea up today because I want to look at a couple of important things that we have sort of accidentally gotten backwards in the western church when we talk about singleness, marriage and sex. That is, that you are just an animal instead of a person.
One of the debates that I’ve seen in churches and even among singles in churches is should we or should we not have singles groups. I’ve seen a lot of different approaches in my over 20 years as an adult single. I’d like today to offer a few practical thoughts on this.