For over 20 years I’ve been inviting people to know and follow Jesus. One of the things I like to do when I have time is to juxtapose two stories from the bible.
The first is the story of the wealthy young ruler who approaches Jesus. The man kneels before Jesus, offers him some flattery and then asks what he needs to do to have real lasting life. Jesus first brushes off the flattery and then tells him that he knows the rules of the kingdom. The man says he”s kept all of those. So not only was this man well off, but he was apparently a good guy. But something was still missing. Jesus then essentially says, “Sell everything you have, and come with me where I’m going.” The man went away sad because his wealth was the center of his life and he was not leaving it.
The other story is from Luke. In this story in the middle of the day, after teaching from his boat, Jesus tells Peter to go out into the water and drop his fishing net. Peter basically tells Jesus that to do so is completely ridiculous. They had worked all night (the right time to fish) and not caught anything. But he does it anyway. He then pulls in the catch of a lifetime. He has to call others to help. This was THE catch. He could have just thanked Jesus and made a killing at the market. But instead he realizes what is going on and falls to his knees. Jesus says, “Come with me. From now on you will fish for men”. Peter leaves THE catch on the beach and goes with him.
It’s the same invitation. One man says yes and another says no. One is with Jesus and the other is not. This theme plays out all through scripture.
There’s obviously about a zillion things we could pull from these stories. But what I want to talk about today is that we as men can actually learn a lot from Jesus about how to approach and attract women. Seriously.
Jesus was a guy that everyone wanted to be with. People were drawn to Him period. He knew His identity. He was confident, strong, caring, smart, powerful, fun, charismatic, and fully alive. He was exactly himself always. He had integrity. He initiated. Quite simply Jesus was the most attractive person ever. Jesus was hot!
Now Jesus knew that celibacy was required to accomplish His mission. But you can bet women wanted to be with him. So what can we learn from Him about pursuing women if He didn’t? A lot actually.
For starters we need to recognize that if we walk with Him we can become all of the things that I listed in two paragraphs above. If I’m in Christ then I can know where my identity comes from. I should be becoming more confident, strong, caring, wise, etc. Of course I’m not Jesus and therefore can’t live that out perfectly, but I should be becoming it.
But more than that we can learn from how Jesus interacted with those he called.
Jesus loved people. He invited people to join Him, in all sorts of ways. Some joined him for a while and left. Some walked away. A few went with Him. Here are a few take aways in terms of dating.
First, Jesus was inviting people to something. As a man we need to be inviting the woman to come with us. They are not the goal. I’m pursuing a goal and I’m looking for someone to come with me in that. This is a huge thought. Women want someone who is going somewhere. Call it ambition or direction or whatever, it is attractive. If we don’t know what we are about and where we are going as well as how to communicate it, we run the risk of not being attractive, or of attracting the wrong person.
Second, Jesus asks and invites but He never begs. This is actually true through the entire Bible. God does NOT need us. He wants us. He loves us. He pursues us. But He is not begging us to be with Him. He invites the rich man to leave it all, but he doesn’t beg him to. In the same way we shouldn’t beg someone to date us. Women like being wanted, but they can sense when they are needed. If we can’t live without them, they don’t want to live with us – at least not for the long term.
Jesus, even though it saddened Him, let people walk away. When the rich man walks Jesus doesn’t hesitate and say something like, “Hey wait a minute. You know what, you obviously kind of like me and I want this to work out. So how about you sell half. Heck bring the rest with you and we’ll use it.” He lets him walk. It is good to pursue a woman. It is a terrible idea to chase her. Jesus was not (and is not) a stalker. He is not waiting for us to make His life complete. No one should hold that power over us either.
The reason we know Jesus loves us is that even though He doesn’t need us, He wants us. Some people say yes to that and some say no. The truth is that you can’t love anybody that you have to have. Love is a choice, not a compulsion.
If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.