So recently Charlize Theron stated in an interview that she was shockingly single. She said she was available and that someone just needed to grow a pair (Christian leaders would say “Man Up”) and ask her out.
As soon as I saw this story I started laughing. I laughed for two reasons. First, I knew that a bunch of people would ask her out through various means and second, that she was completely full of it.
And . . . that is exactly what happened. A good looking man from Kansas City (shout out to my home town) sent in a video asking her out. She signed a picture for him. Uh yeah, not what he had in mind. You can see both her original statement and the guy asking her out in this video here. It’s great.
There is so much great material here it could probably be 5 posts but I’m going to break it down in one and look at what we can learn from it.
First of all, this just shows that we are all wired the same. Watching famous good looking people with money complain about not being able to find someone should be in some ways a bit of an encouragement. It’s not just you. I remember a couple of years ago reading about how Tim Tebow just couldn’t find the woman he was looking for. Haha. Yeah it’s rough.
Tebow at least had the honesty (Tebow is an honest dude) to say he was looking for someone hot – who also loves Jesus. But needless to say Tebow and Theron can both date a whole lot of people. Tebow recently became engaged to . . . wait for it. . . a former Miss Universe. Good for Tim.
Here’s what this has to do with us. I hear all the time from singles about not being able to find people who are suitable spouse material. I was there for a long time myself. I understand the feeling. Both men and women do this. It’s often gets amplified in the Church.
“There are no guys at church”. “There are no guys mature enough”. “I haven’t met the one”. “I haven’t found the woman who I can spend forever with”. “God hasn’t sent me the one yet.”
I have seen people say this right in front of people of the opposite sex who on paper would meet every qualification they would say this magical person would need.
Here’s the actual truth of the matter. For most of us, we have met many people who we could have dated or married. We just weren’t attracted enough to them. When a woman says that no one has asked her out, what she typically means is that no guy she is attracted to has asked her out (or she has avoided anyone she is not attracted to so they can’t ask her out.) When a woman says she wants a mature Christian man, what she means is that she wants a man she is attracted to who also happens to be a mature Christian.
Guys do it as well. When a guy says that no one will go out with him, what he typically means is that no one he wants to go out with will go out with him. When a guy says that he can’t find a good Christian woman, what he means is that he can’t find a woman that he is attracted to (read hot enough) that also happens to be a Christian.
Now I have no problem with this truth. I certainly didn’t marry someone I wasn’t attracted to. That’s not really my point. My point is we need to quit whining about it and acting as if we don’t have choices.** And for the love of all things we need to quit saying it in front of our brothers and sisters who actually meet the qualifications we say we want but that we aren’t attracted to.
Now I do think many of us need to get over ourselves and quit looking for the person we are perfectly attracted to. But attraction matters as I’ve stated ad nauseam here at the blog.
I should point out that Tebow and Theron have very different definitions of single. I’ll say more about what single seems to mean in an upcoming post. But for today a couple of take aways in conclusion.
We all want to date and marry people we are attracted to. There are lots of people we could date but won’t because we aren’t attracted enough. We need to consider this if we are serious about getting married. What is attractive enough? Is my picker broken? What am I really trying to find? However, attraction matters.
And secondly, whatever we decide about those questions, we need to own it and quit acting as if there are no options.
** I get that some people have more choices than others. I also know that there are some who will not be chosen. But the main point for most people still holds true.