Let’s talk about online dating. This can can be one great tool to meet people. It can be a good confidence booster and it’s a good way to just get out there. It’s a way to stay in the game so to speak. Ladies this is a great way to make yourself available without pursuing. But there are some key things to keep in mind. Please remember I’m talking mainly to guys (because I am one) but I’ll try to help the ladies some too.
Lets get practical.
First off you have to choose a site. Now there are all sorts of different ones. Singleroots.com has the best evaluation I’ve ever seen. I think you can work a couple of sites at a time – but not more than that. Then every six months or so rotate out of one and into another.
Now you need to make a profile. I’ll be honest and say this is probably not my strong suit. But here are a few things I know for sure.
- Use current photos – and more than one
- Have a photo that shows your face and one that shows the rest of you.
- Do not under any circumstances use photos with you shirt off – I promise you girls laugh at this – no matter how “ripped” you are.
- Put things in your profile that are important to you – again no reason to hide this. If Jesus is important put it out there.
- Be interesting. List things that interest you and that you like doing. If you don’t have anything interesting in your life, it’s time to find some – and then come back to online dating later
- Do not lie about anything. This is a dead end. Do not lie!
Next comes the communication phase. Guys, you should always be the initiator on this. You need to understand that when you email an attractive girl that she gets a lot of emails from a lot of guys. DO NOT EVER WINK AT A GIRL – THAT IS TOTAL WUSS – SEND AN EMAIL. That sounds obvious but it is kind of hard. You can’t just say, “Hi let’s talk”. You need something different.
Now this is where I kind of invented my own system. I’m not giving that to you here but here are some keys about the first couple of emails
- Have fun. Smile when you type. Dead serious, women can tell.
- Say something about her profile – act like you’ve actually read it. But don’t go over the top with compliments. Be interested but not nice.
- Ask fun non-threatening questions. Always, always ask questions. Give her something to respond to. Don’t just say “let’s talk”. Fun easy questions are best – don’t go deep early – go a little deep in a couple of emails. Never go super deep – save that for offline
- Remember that this is a person you do not know and might never meet – so for the love don’t write to her like she might be “THE ONE”. In fact send an initial email to lots of women.
Once you’ve got some communication going here is your goal – within 5 emails you want to take this offline. This is critical. You’re not looking for a pen-pal. Invite her to talk on the phone – ask if she’d be up for it. Now this whole online thing is much scarier for girls than for us. I would always state that I would love to call her first, but when I invited her to talk I would leave my number in case she didn’t want to give me her’s online. If she doesn’t want to talk live after 3-5 emails – walk. Do it! Walk away.
On the phone call be fun and interesting. Don’t talk forever. Relax. Smile (seriously trust me here). On that first phone call say you want to meet in person. Offer to meet for a drink or coffee. This is not a date – this is a meeting to see if you want to go on a date. (Ladies- when you go meet any kind with stranger – someone should know you are doing it – and guys keep this thought in mind).
Again it is ok (good in fact) to have several of these going on at once. You want to get from the first email to the actual meeting as fast you can without being pushy. Online is about meeting potential people. Don’t make it more than that. There will be another profile.
I’ve met a lot of women for this first meeting. Most won’t go anywhere. It can be overwhelming. It can lead to dating fatigue (future post). But the good news is I’ve met mostly quality people (although I’ve had some wild, hilarious meetings as well – but really that can be part of the fun if you let it), and, full disclosure – I met the woman I’m going marry online.
So what has been your online experience? What advice would you offer the people reading this? I would love your comments on this.