Desiring Jesus More Than Sex

Have you ever tried to fight weeds in your yard?  You go out and spray them or pull them. It’s a constant battle.  But here’s the truth about the process.  The best defense against weeds is more grass.  I can pull weeds every year but if I don’t get grass to grow in those spots, next year (or next week) weeds will grow there.

I share this because I think it is a key principle for dealing with sexual immorality and the desire we have that leads us to it.  As I shared last week, we first have to  have a right view of sex and a right view of desire.  But even then we have to figure out how to grow the right desires.  In other words we have to let our desire for God trump all other desires.  The good news is that we were created for that.  The bad news is, it’s a freaking battle.

We can’t get completely focussed on the sin.  This is especially true with sexual immorality (fulfilling sexual desire outside the context of marriage).  Often we focus on the all of the “don’ts”.  Don’t be naked, don’t look at porn, don’t have lustful thoughts, don’t. . . .  While we do need to fight this stuff we can’t let our focus be here.  Our focus needs to be on Jesus.

I’ve heard it said a lot that, “we as guys will always struggle with lust”.  I think that’s a lie straight from hell.

Now if you want to say that I’m always capable of struggling with it, I wholeheartedly agree. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have victory in this area of my life.  It’s probably going to be a fight and process (as with most of the sanctification process) but to just surrender to it seems like a terrible idea.

Sexual immorality is a strong, strong temptation. God created sex with the power to help bind two people together for life.  God was not playing around here.  It is the only sin that Paul literally says to flee from.  In other words, don’t play around with it or tough it out – just get the heck away from it.  He says all other sin a man commits outside his body, but sexual immorality is against his own body.  Paul is saying it affects us in huge ways.

In my opinion there are two principles we have to keep here in order to let the practical stuff work.

First we need to focus on the Lord and his mission.  To be honest, when I struggle the least in this area is when I’m focussed on God and mission.  When I’m outward focussed, I’m typically not desiring the wrong stuff.  When I’m focussed on me and what I feel that day, that’s when I’m in trouble.  This by the way is part of (emphasis on part of) what Paul is saying about the call to singleness.  It’s not a call to not get married, it’s a call to be so focussed on mission that you are not focussed on sex (which is NOT to say that you won’t ever desire sex).

The second thing we have to do is flee – which means do whatever it takes to not fall into sexual immorality.  I’m going to talk about some things that have helped me later this week.

Here’s another way to look at it.  In the Odyssey, Odysseus is warned about the dangers of the sirens.  These were beautiful creatures (think hot models with wings) that sang incredibly powerful and beautiful songs.  So much so that sailors followed them to their death on the rocks.

Odysseus comes up with a plan.  He gives all his oarsmen wax to put in their ears so that they can’t hear the sirens.  He wants to hear it, so he doesn’t use wax, but he has them tie him to the mast.  When the boat passes the sirens do their thing.  Odysseus goes crazy, demanding that the men cut him free.  Following his original orders they don’t and they pass through unharmed.

Now this is great but contrast that with the story of Orpheus and the Argonauts.  The Argonauts faced the same danger from the sirens.  But Orpheus was a powerful musician who played the most beautiful music possible.  When the Argonauts passed by the sirens Orpheus played his music.  It was so strong and powerful that it drowned out the songs of the sirens.  The Argonauts were able to pass through without the aid of the wax.

Ultimately our desire for God has to trump all other desires.  

It is better to tie ourselves to the mast than die on the rocks, but the goal should be to grow so close to Jesus that we are not swayed by the siren’s music.

Don’t Be Content In Your Singleness

One of the Myths of Singleness is the idea that if you are content in your singleness that you will then somehow find someone to marry.  I don’t how many times someone has told me things like, “I wasn’t looking and then I met my wife” or, “stop focussing on it and then it will happen”, or my favorite, “when you are content in your singleness, then God will send you someone.”

Now there’s an underlying truth here that is good – and I’m going to get that – but on the surface this is kind of ridiculous.  And it is even worse when it comes from married people – so marrieds should pay attention here as well.

Now there would be nothing wrong with being content in singleness.  It is ok to be single and sometimes God calls us to singleness.  This can be for life as a second vow – in other words you make a vow to walk with God and then you give your life to ministry – as a priest, nun, single pastor, or lay single person.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Paul talks about it.  For many years (as in over a thousand) this was seen as a higher calling than marriage in the Church.  But if you are called to it then you are not looking to find a spouse – you have vowed to not get married.  You can also be called to be single for a season.  Sometimes God calls us to certain things for certain times.  (It would be good by the way to ask God about this stuff – don’t ask if you have the “gift of singleness” but more “God are you calling me to be single?” or, “Do you want me to get married?”  Those are brave prayers in our Christian culture but worth asking).

But striving to be content in order to be ready or good enough to find a spouse is not good. First of all it’s a little dishonest.  If I’m trying to become content so that I can get married then I’m not really content.  Secondly what about every person who gets married early in life without really entering singleness – were they content in singleness first?  I’m gonna say no.

Now here’s the underlying truth that many of these people are getting at.  When you are working on who you are as a person (which we all should be) and focussed on following Jesus and becoming who He has made us to be, then guess what – you are way more confident, comfortable, and attractive to the opposite sex.  This is a good thing.  If we are focussed on finding someone to marry or constantly letting that impact every decision we make, it can begin to control us – which makes us desperate, needy, and unfocussed on the Lord.  That is of course unattractive and gets in the way.

But we have to be careful of the “I’m not going to look” line of thinking.  It can lead to at least two dangers.  First we can just shut down rather than actually working on our own lives. In other words it can be an excuse to hide from real reasons we are single.  Second it can cause to grow cold and not pay attention to people around us that might be potential spouses – kind of a self protection plan gone wrong.

What we need to do is work on finding our identity in Jesus regardless of marital status.  As a bonus (not as the goal) it makes us way, way more attractive.