Tag Archives: singles

The Best Men On The Internet

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The other day I saw a post on social media as a message to married men.  This message was in line with most Christian messaging to men that I’ve seen over and over. The basic message of most of these types of posts are:

  • You will know how well you are loving your wife by how she feels (does she feel loved, supported, empowered etc)
  • You are to be a servant leader not a manipulator or ruler.  In other words you’re not in charge.
  • Be willing to be wrong even if you’re not really wrong.  Her truth is the best truth.
  • Selective reading of Ephesians 5 focusing on how you should love your wife (which is  correct however that’s not all that Ephesians 5 says).
  • Basically – your wife is your grade card

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Insurance And Other Things Singles Should Consider

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Have you ever as a single person had an event happen to you where you realized just how on your own you really are?  What I mean is, have you had that moment when you realized, what happens if _______ happens to me?

It can be simple things.  I remember one weekend when I was leading a singles conference we were talking about advantages and disadvantages of being married vs. being unmarried.  One lady gave a practical example of a disadvantage.  She said, “if for example my car breaks down.  Who do I call?  If you’re married, your spouse might be able to say to their boss, ‘My spouse’s car is broken down, would it be alright if I took an hour and went and got them?’.  But that probably isn’t going to work for any other relationship.”

Let me give you one that sort of got my attention.  I was in my early thirties.  Single, no relationship.  This particular day I started feeling pain in my abdominal area.  I thought, no big deal.  A little indigestion.  But it got worse.  I went to the gas station to get some gas and thought I’d grab a Sprite.  I could barely get out of the car as I was so doubled over.

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Single Person Money Traps

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A few weeks ago I wrote a post about whether or not a single person who is looking for a spouse should budget money for that search.  You can read that post here.

Today I want to talk about handling money in general as a single person.  I’d like to share some thoughts that I wish more people would have spoken into my life.  The truth is a lot of unmarried people, especially younger folks, don’t get a lot of help with this area of life.  I’ve often said that if there was one aspect of my over 20 years of adult singleness that I would live differently that it would be how I handled my money.

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F R I E N D S – Don’t Let The “Friend Zone Anthem” Be Your Song

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So there’s a new song out by Marshmallow and Anne-Marie (No I had not heard of them either) called Friends.  It’s all over pop radio right now.  The song and video encapsulate what we call the Friend zone.  In fact it is often called the Friend Zone Anthem.

Here’s the video – warning, there are a couple of bad words in the song.  If that bothers you, don’t watch it.  Here’s a video with just the lyrics without any bad words.

Now I’ve written extensively about the friend zone and avoiding it here at the blog for years.  (Some posts are linked below).  But I haven’t written on it in a while and I know that there are a lot of people, especially younger guys, who find themselves in these situations.

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You Can’t Have It All

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Carrie Underwood accidentally stirred the the twitter pot recently when in an interview with Redbook she said that at 35 she may have missed her chance to have a big family.  This was of course one answer to one question in the interview but people jumped on it.

Now Carrie wasn’t trying to say that no one over 35 can have a kid.  She also went on to say that they have talked about adoption and they do a lot to help kids which she enjoys. But that wasn’t good enough for many who insist that there are no limits to fertility.

I bring this up because I think we need to be honest about where our culture is at. Especially as we navigate singleness, marriage and children.

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Should You Budget Money For Dating?

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The other day while driving I was listening to some Dave Ramsey.  In case you’re not familiar, briefly, Dave wants people to live biblically with their money, meaning stay out of debt, control your money instead of letting it control you and be generous along the way.

He has a radio show and people call in with all kinds of scenarios asking his advice.  Very rarely do I ever see Dave not have an answer.  In fact, I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen it . . . until the other day.

A young never married guy called in and said, “Hey Dave, I’m following your plan.  No debt, I have a budget etc.  I’m not married but I want to be.  Here’s my question, how much should I budget for that pursuit?”

One thing about Dave is that he’s always honest with people and he just laughed and said, “I have not been in that world for so long, I have no idea.”  After both he and the caller laughed a little, he did toss out a couple of thoughts, but it made me think of a couple of important ideas and some practical ones if you find yourself in that position.

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You Are Not Just An Animal

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It’s funny the things that you remember from college classes.  I remember one of my favorite classes was an introduction to philosophy.  I loved this class because the professor was very unbiased and we got to write some really cool papers.  (One of my papers was: Is the judaeo-Christian ethic sufficient for handling environmental issues.  The answer was of course yes – which I proved rather convincingly I might add).

One of the great moments of the class that has always stayed with me was a video in which a female pastor of some kind said, “The thing that separates humans from everyone else is our ability to sin.  Nothing else on earth can sin.”  That, friends will preach.

I bring that idea up today because I want to look at a couple of important things that we have sort of accidentally gotten backwards in the western church when we talk about singleness, marriage and sex.  That is, that you are just an animal instead of a person.

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Ministry To Singles Vs. Singles Groups

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One of the debates that I’ve seen in churches and even among singles in churches is should we or should we not have singles groups. I’ve seen a lot of different approaches in my over 20 years as an adult single. I’d like today to offer a few practical thoughts on this.

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Attraction Vs. Action

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One of the constant conversations on this blog is the idea of attraction.  I’ve written a ton about it and even have whole posts about it.

Today I want to sort of clarify a few thoughts about attraction.  Many of these I’ve said before but I thought it might be good to put a few main thoughts into one post.

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The Church Should Focus On It’s Own Family

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Many years ago when I was driving through Colorado Springs I saw a bumper sticker directed at Focus on the Family that said, “Focus On Your Own Family”.  I thought it was sort of funny but I didn’t really give it a lot of thought.  But the phrase sort of stayed with me.  Whenever I’d see something from Focus I’d think about that sticker and smile.

But in thinking about it, this might actually be a good idea.  Now to be clear, before I start, I like a lot of what Focus the organization does.*  I’m not picking on them here.  However, the Church’s focus on the nuclear family is a huge problem with far, far reaching implications.

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