Making Your Church Unmarried Friendly Theologically

In the last couple of posts I’ve been trying to make the point that if we want to do evangelization in the current western culture we have to have the unmarried in mind.  Two thirds of those that don’t attend church are unmarried.  I’ve asked the question, is your church unmarried friendly.  The obvious answer for most of us is no.  So what would it look like if it were?  Today I want to take a stab at the beginning of the answer to that.

There are at least two parts to this.  First there is a belief side.  This is the broader, overall view that we need to have in mind.  It includes theology but also practical belief.  The second part is the practices part.  What does it look like fleshed out.  What are some best practices that make the unmarried feel welcome?  Assuming correct theology and practical belief, how do we put it into practice?

Today we’ll look at the first part.  In my next blog we’ll take a stab a the practical implications.

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Can Christianity Be Bred Out?

As you may know, Christians around the world are being persecuted at a high level right now.  I saw an interesting article about what one political group in India wants to do.  They want to sterilize Christians as well as Muslims.  You read that right.  Confess your faith, be sterilized.

According to the article:

“Deva Thakur, vice president of the radical Hindu Mahasabha Party, has called for the forced sterilization of Indian Christians and Muslims. The radical leader also called on Hindus to have more children in order to counter the rise in India’s Christian and Muslim populations.”

Needless to say, this is an inhumane and terrible idea.  But it sort of raised some thoughts for me about things we’ve talked about here in regards to the church and the family of The Kingdom, vs. the church of the nuclear family idol.

The real question is this, can you breed out Christianity?  It’s actually a really, really interesting question.  The answer is of course no.  But it’s not as simple as even I might like it to be.

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From Hard To Holy

One of the thoughts in our culture right now is the idea of how unfair and hard particular situations are.  It’s an interesting time.  I think maybe in past generations we sort of pushed down a lot of our feelings of hard.  In other words there was a lot less analysis of and concern for our feelings.  Part of that was simply the fact that we had less free time, less technology, less ability to see the whole world around us and compare our lives to others.

Whatever the case we are making up for it now.  Hard is the new cool.  Everyone needs to somehow earn their hard merit badge.  I get it.  I’m part of it.  While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging hard things, I wonder at what point this becomes counterproductive.  Fairly quickly I think.  It also can be really confusing.  I think this is especially true in the church when it comes to sex, marriage and singleness.  And I mean the whole church today, not just evangelical culture, but all the different church cultures.

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The Costs Of Reformed Romance

In my last post we discussed the utter fiction of what I’m calling Reformed Romance.  The idea and mindset where we take the secular culture’s idea of romance and chivalry and combine it with Calvinism.**

Today I want to talk about some of the price we are paying for this.  I can’t cover it all in detail as that would be more of a book than a blog post.  But there is a cost to getting all of this wrong, not only for those of us in the western Christian culture but also for the rest of world that we live in.

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Modesty, Lust and Attraction

One of the fun things about writing this blog over the last few years is the questions, thoughts and ideas that readers bring via comments and emails.  Today I wanted to write a post in response to an email question I received a while back.

A young lady wrote in and asked:

I want to know why modesty in dress is considered so important for men’s purity of thought.

I dress modestly. I have no problem with that. Doesn’t bother me. . .

But, I don’t really believe that normal, average women are physically appealing to men when the women who men want to look at are strippers, porn stars, prostitutes and lingerie models. The women who men pay to see are surgically enhanced with silicone parts and fake hair, nails, tans, noses, breasts and eyelashes. That’s not what most average women look like. We don’t meet that physical gold standard of beauty or physical attractiveness.

So why do we have to worry about men lusting after us when we’re not the ones they want anyway? They’re looking at the iPhones, not me or other women who are around.

This email actually raises several different questions and thoughts.  We are talking here about modesty of dress, men lusting, how attraction works among other things.  Let me address a couple of points here that might be helpful.

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The Three Eunuchs

One of the things we have to do is our Christian culture and language is rescue the idea of Celibacy.  I’ve tried to write quite a bit about this in the past but I realize that we need to talk about it even more.  The good news is that more people are talking about it.  The bad news is that a lot of us don’t realize what we are talking about including most of our “leaders”.  We are going to need a more full theological and biblical understanding if we are going to lead in this conversation.

Most people tend to start in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about marriage, celibacy and the gifts.  But I believe a better place to start is Matthew 19 where Jesus discusses the three eunuchs.

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The Church Is Fighting Yesterdays Battle

Right now there is a lot of reporting out there about the American Evangelical culture and it’s impending doom.  While I think that reports of it’s death have been greatly exaggerated, it should lead to a lot of reflection in all sorts of contexts.

As I watch it unfold and watch the church interact with the culture in several ways and in many different contexts I see a couple of things that we have to get past.  These things play out in all sorts of different ways, but of particular interest here in the space, is in relation to singleness.

Here are two major problems (not that there aren’t more – as well as many good things) that I see over and over again in different cultural exchanges.

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