The last couple of blogs I’ve been writing about the idea of not lying. It’s funny even to type that. But as we’ve been discussing, this is not always as simple as it seems. We’ve talked about not lying to ourselves, not lying to others, and not lying to other singles.
In the world of Christian singleness there are a ton of lies. There are lies that the church has told singles, lies the enemy has told singles, lies that singles tell themselves, and lies that our current culture tells them. I’ve written a lot about these over the years. Rather than try to sum up that many posts in one new one I’m going to just list some and link to places where I’ve tried to be more honest and straightforward with the truth. The list is not exhaustive and in fact if you think of more put it in the comments. I’d love to see what I’m missing. So here we go. Lies singles have been told, thought and/or believed:
If you are Christian enough then you will be attractive
Being nice will help you get someone to like you
You can serve your way to attraction
You should always tell the girl how you feel
If you treat her right, then she’ll like you instead of someone who doesn’t
That because you are a good Christian that God owes you a spouse
That it’s all God’s fault that you are single
That it’s all the women’s fault
That you can’t get better at interacting with women
That Celibacy is too much to ask for
That you should just stay you as you are
That practicing Christians get divorced at the same rate as others
That who you marry is the second biggest decision you’ll ever make
That you can be disqualified from marriage
That the gift of singleness as discussed by Paul is temporary
That you should be content with singleness
That the nuclear family is the foundation of the Church
That getting married will solve everything
That you will always be lustful
That singles should do more ministry
That singles can only do certain things in ministry
That marriage is what makes you holy
That it’s all men’s fault that there is less marriage
That sexual immorality only impacts you
That there is a biblical plan for getting married
That you’re not an adult until you get married
That you have to be equally yoked
That singles should be segregated
That there are no losses in the single life
That you should “take advantage of your singleness”
That women want a Christian guy first
That you haven’t met anyone you can marry
That where you are right now is always God’s best for you
That the bible will tell can tell you who to marry
That all desire should be fulfilled
That you should have THE TALK early in a relationship
That you should chase the girl
That chasing and pursuing look the same
That you should sit back and just wait on God
That there won’t be someone else
That you are meant to be alone
That sexual activity leads towards marriage
That singles suffer less than marrieds
That your sexual prowess doesn’t matter
That single people do better financially than married people
That you can’t get the one you want
That your marital status defines you
That it’s your job to “guard her heart”
That you should seek to have kids as a single person
That you can’t marry someone you don’t love
That you can’t help what you feel
That as a single you should leave the church because they don’t get it
That you will spend eternity married to your spouse
That you should marry someone you can’t live without
That married people don’t need a singleness sermon series
That if you rescue the girl she’ll be attracted to you
Celibacy for the Kingdom is a season
If only Christian men would ask out women everything would be fine
That you are your girlfriends spiritual leader
That being unhealthy physically doesn’t impact marriage
That you have to have a spouse to be great in ministry
That you should know on the first date if you should keep going out
That women can’t do anything to get the guy
That people should just love me for me
That attraction and action are the same
That holiness is the only point of marriage
That attraction and sexual desire are the same
That there is only one type of celibacy
That reformed theology answers the singleness issue
That you aren’t good enough for marriage
That meekness and weakness are the same
That only as male and female together do we represent the image of God
You should save yourself for marriage
You aren’t ready to be married
Celibacy is easy for those called to it
All of the above are lies. Or at the least misrepresentations of truths. Which ones do you believe? Which ones do you tell yourself.
Another lie is that God will automatically enable you to live the cookie cutter image designed by the church “leaders”.
Another lie is that the Lord expects us to live in such conformity in the first place.
Calvinism is possibly the biggest lie in the modern church.